I have never quite gotten used to Jesus as friend, or even as He calls Himself: my brother. I desperately want to be friends with Him. It reminds me of how I react when I'm around people I really admire. I basically give off the exact opposite impression I want to make, only because I want so badly to know them better.
So multiply that by ten thousand with Jesus. I want to call Him friend, but at the same time, He knows all about me, and that's a problem because even my closest friends don't know everything about me.
And frankly, I've seen how some who call Him "friend" treat Him. *Use* Him, more precisely. And I don't want to fall into that category. I don't want to take Him for granted or ask for things selfishly. So instead, I keep a safe distance, like a friendly wave from a neighbor. Makes you smile but you don't have to get too close.
The problem with Jesus is that He isn't satisfied with a neighborly wave. He never has been. He made a tremendous sacrifice so that I could call God "Daddy" and I could know Him as my friend.
Amazingly, He always draws me near, even when I'm uncomfortable and even when I'm acting in an unworthy manner. I'm power waving and He's trying to hug. The hug usually wins out.
At the end of the day, He is and always will be a far better friend to me than I am to Him. I can't possibly repay what I owe Him. I can't possibly give back according to what He's given.
He's that friend that you always wish you had, the friend you can never possibly be, and the friend you never want to let go.
One of these days, I'm going to completely let go of all my relational hang-ups, and I know that will be the beginning of the friendship He always wanted for us. For all of us.