Monday, November 19, 2012

39 Ways I Know I'm Turning 40

It's my birthday month!  Not just any birthday, but my 40th.  So to commemorate the occasion, I thought it would be fun to ponder age.  Why not, right?  It's fascinating if it's not happening to you, but I say, why not just face the beast down?  I'm aging.  So what?  There are a few people out there taking drastic measures not to age and we all wish they wouldn't--they scare small children.  For the rest of us, it's just part of life.   So here's my list of 39 ways I know I'm turning 40.  Here's a glimpse into my reality:

1)       I’m forced to wear cushy slippers because hard floors hurt my bare feet 

2)      There is more fashion that doesn’t work on me than does

3)      The foods I hate agree with me the most

4)      I have trouble opening anything with a tab, a lid, or a cap

5)      If sticky notes were banned, I’d have to quit life

6)      When I wake up in the morning, my body feels like I’ve attempted the Ironman

7)      I have to change my wave because my underarm now swings like it wants in on the action

8)      I have to get kids to show me how to work stuff

9)      I’m completely unconsumed with the stigma of minivans

10)   My favorite feature on my Kindle is the font enlargement

11)   I’ve got a doctor for nearly every organ in my body

12)   I’m suddenly fond of spicy foods, which I suspect means my taste buds are dying off

13)   I’m willing to trade white teeth for coffee

14)   I’m getting political cartoons

15)   I have a breaking news alert on my phone for some excitement in my day

16)   I can throw my back out simply by rising from a chair

17)   I am hooked on PBS soap operas set at the turn of the century

18)   I am starting to identify with all of Meryl Streep’s characters

19)   I wear cardigans because I have to

20)   I’m using shampoo with medicine as its first ingredient 

21)   I get irritated by noise louder than a whisper

22)   One trip to Long John Silvers could literally kill me

23)   Almost every product I use has the word “brightening” in it

24)   I’m beginning to understand people in their 20s believe they have nothing in common with me

25)   I’m particular about my coffee mugs

26)   I’ve outgrown self-consciousness

27)   I’ve actually said out loud, “I need to get home before dark.”

28)   I have a pill organizer

29)   I can no longer feel food on my face

30)   I’ve come to the grim realization that tweezers aren’t just for the eyebrows anymore

31)   I’ve learned that the world won’t fall apart if I actually take a lunch break

32)   I’m beginning to get the urge to eat dinner earlier

33)   I no longer recognize the people on the cover of PEOPLE magazine

34)   Lipstick is challenging without magnification

35)   I constantly ask myself how early is too early to put my pajamas on

36)   Taylor Swift songs all sound the same to me

37)   I’m not against boy bands.  I just can’t remember all the members’ names

38)   I’m older than half my doctors

39)   I’m trading in sit-coms about friends for Rock Center with Brian Williams