It's my birthday month! Not just any birthday, but my 40th. So to commemorate the occasion, I thought it would be fun to ponder age. Why not, right? It's fascinating if it's not happening to you, but I say, why not just face the beast down? I'm aging. So what? There are a few people out there taking drastic measures not to age and we all wish they wouldn't--they scare small children. For the rest of us, it's just part of life. So here's my list of 39 ways I know I'm turning 40. Here's a glimpse into my reality:
1) I’m forced to wear cushy slippers because hard
floors hurt my bare feet
2) There
is more fashion that doesn’t work on me than does
3) The
foods I hate agree with me the most
4) I
have trouble opening anything with a tab, a lid, or a cap
5) If
sticky notes were banned, I’d have to quit life
6) When
I wake up in the morning, my body feels like I’ve attempted the Ironman
7) I
have to change my wave because my underarm now swings like it wants in on the
action
8) I
have to get kids to show me how to work stuff
9) I’m
completely unconsumed with the stigma of minivans
10) My
favorite feature on my Kindle is the font enlargement
11) I’ve
got a doctor for nearly every organ in my body
12) I’m
suddenly fond of spicy foods, which I suspect means my taste buds are dying off
13) I’m
willing to trade white teeth for coffee
14) I’m
getting political cartoons
15) I
have a breaking news alert on my phone for some excitement in my day
16) I
can throw my back out simply by rising from a chair
17) I
am hooked on PBS soap operas set at the turn of the century
18) I
am starting to identify with all of Meryl Streep’s characters
19) I
wear cardigans because I have to
20) I’m
using shampoo with medicine as its first ingredient
21) I
get irritated by noise louder than a whisper
22) One
trip to Long John Silvers could literally kill me
23) Almost
every product I use has the word “brightening” in it
24) I’m
beginning to understand people in their 20s believe they have nothing in common
with me
25) I’m
particular about my coffee mugs
26) I’ve
outgrown self-consciousness
27) I’ve
actually said out loud, “I need to get home before dark.”
28) I
have a pill organizer
29) I
can no longer feel food on my face
30) I’ve
come to the grim realization that tweezers aren’t just for the eyebrows anymore
31) I’ve
learned that the world won’t fall apart if I actually take a lunch break
32) I’m
beginning to get the urge to eat dinner earlier
33) I
no longer recognize the people on the cover of PEOPLE magazine
34) Lipstick
is challenging without magnification
35) I
constantly ask myself how early is too early to put my pajamas on
36) Taylor
Swift songs all sound the same to me
37) I’m
not against boy bands. I just can’t
remember all the members’ names
38) I’m
older than half my doctors
39) I’m
trading in sit-coms about friends for Rock Center with Brian Williams